Why, you might ask, am I butchering Al Green?
Because I’ve had enough of the tea parties.
First off, someone explain to me the similarity between a bunch of people standing in a park moaning about the feds compared to a bunch of people who actually took action (at a fair degree of personal risk) by covertly boarding British ships and physically pitching stuff into the Boston Harbor.
I say we give these modern day “tea parties” a more fitting name. How about “Whine Tastings.”
Secondly, let’s take a closer look at the 1773 tea party itself. Not the Walt Disney/Johnny Tremaine version, but the keep-it-real, more historically accurate version. (Sorry, you can take the history teacher out of the classroom, but …)
The British East India Company was bankrupt. And, as in any bankruptcy proceeding, it was forced to liquidate assets. Guess what they had tons of stashed away in warehouses. (And remember, tea in those days wasn’t a luxury. It was a necessity.)
So like any good mercantilist mother country, England packed the tea in ships and sent them off to the colonies where the tea would become cash.
Now it’s time to follow the money, because any successful revolution has its philosophical and practical sides. The philosophers were upset by British tax policies in the first place. The Tea Act, which placed levies specifically on tea (oddly enough), was seen as just one more money grab by the crown. Then there were the practical folks. Tea drinkers, who had to pay more for their beverage of choice, and tea merchants, who were upset because they couldn’t pawn off the entire cost of the tax on their customers and therefore were realizing diminished profits.
Those forces all whipped one another up and the next thing you know, they took action to remove the offending tea. Romantics can make the tea party as lofty as they want, but need to be reminded that it wasn’t all about high-minded principles. There were profit margins at work here as well.
But hey, like I said, at least those folks did something more than just stand around on the dock with posters and call the British sailors nasty names.
Thirdly, what, exactly, are these tea party people protesting?
The rise of big government? Sorry, that horse left the barn more than 70 years ago. Did these people just wake up and notice the bureaucratic T. Rex in their living room? Have they read somewhere that if people complain enough, bureaucracies will downsize themselves in response?
Maybe it’s government regulation they don’t like. Yes, there’s plenty of that to go around. But there are also enough Bernie Madoffs — people who circumvent lax regulatory oversight — around to take advantage of the uninformed or the irresponsible. Go ahead, do away with government regulation. But you better figure out a way to educate and invigorate a largely disinterested population so they can undertake the job of regulating themselves.
How about government bailouts? That’s funny; I didn’t see any of these tea parties being held when the government bailed out the suits at AIG, et al. You can debate that one all you want, but that horse is gone, too. And here’s the bottom line: Once you establish the precedent of bailing out the bankrupt, you can’t say, “You know, we’re only going to bail out the rich guys who go under. You recently-laid-off workers? Take a hike.”
Apparently it might be about liberty. I see Rep. Sam Rohrer, R-Pa., who tends to rant about this sort of thing and the loss of “personal freedoms,” was at the local tea party. Reportedly he said in his speech that the U.S. is “standing on the precipice of losing our freedom.” Frankly, I have no idea what he’s talking about in this ridiculously dramatic tone. But it does make me laugh to think that he said this while standing in a city that is in the process of installing surveillance cameras all over the place. Not that I’m entirely against that, but I certainly hope he appreciates the irony.
Oh, don’t forget taxes. It’s always about taxes, isn’t it? Wonder if the people in the audience are opposed to U.S. military ventures overseas. If they want lower taxes, they better be. Things that blow up tend to cost money. How about cutting spending on education. Oh, wait, they already have, and that’s working out well. Then let’s slash Medicare; yep, that’ll happen. And I wonder how many of the folks in these tea party audiences have benefited from the Bush-era tax cuts, which favored the higher-level income earners. I certainly didn’t and, frankly, anything that evens the taxation-level playing field is fine by me.
And here’s a thought: Where were these tea party people when gas prices were soaring at the same time Exxon/Mobil was declaring record profits each quarter? It seems to me that there’s a cause you can actually sink your teeth into. You can actually not drive your car everywhere. Or trade in the SUV. Or even stand around in a park with posters and complain about the price of gas…
Do I sound cynical? Oh, I’m sorry. But it seems to me that what is needed more than ever is an informed populace. A populace that is willing to take real action to force change. A populace that is willing to make sacrifices in lifestyle choices. A populace that will take responsibility for helping to create — either willingly or by benign ignorance — a bureaucratic behemoth. And really? I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
But standing around with posters for a couple hours? Now that’s something we can all get behind.
So call me a cynic. Call me snarky. Whatever. Just don’t call and ask me to accompany you to a tea party.
