Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Eewwww!
Wife: What do you mean 'Eewwww'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't
have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

Menu

* Egg and bacon
* Egg, sausage and bacon
* Egg and spam
* Egg, bacon and spam
* Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
* Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
* Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
* Spam, spam, spam, egg, and spam
* Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam
* Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce garnished with truffle paté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam
* Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam (this is only in the LP version's menu, but the TV version features the Hungarian trying to order a similar item)

One of the funniest quotes I've ever heard said about Spam was said by Geordie Hormel, heir to the Hormel fortune:

Paraphrased, when asked whether he ate SPAM, he said, "Well, when I go out into the desert, I'll open a can, throw the innards away, and put water in the can for my dog to drink." In other words, he wouldn't even feed it to his dog.

Post your thoughts and comments about this blog post.

Now I'm cravin' me some cheese flavored Spam fried up and dripping with goodness.

Naw, Pericles, the elitists favor Spam over the generic stuff you can buy at Sav-A-Lot discount grocery stores

Now, can someone tell me what the hell that "potted meat" is in the little pop top cans???

Sliced, coated with beaten egg (with a little milk added), dredged in bread crumbs and fried up in a cast iron skillet.

LFM: that website gives me the heeby jeebies! I clicked on the barbeque link..... ANYTHING made with evaporated milk gives me a phobic reaction. Hell, even just looking at the can makes me want to run to grab some valium.

Oooh, harv, I don't think that dripping stuff is goodness. I think "potted meat" is the stuff the SPAM factory rejected. It would feel right at home in the Gallery of Regrettable Food, http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/, right beside a nice aspic or something.

Is "potted meat" the same thing as Underwood devilled ham? I loved that stuff as a child, until one day I opened a tin and found a dead bug in it. Never ate it again...my stomach turns just thinking about that!

We only eat spam 2 or 3 times a year. Hubby coats it with brown sugar and then frys it in butter. It's pretty good!

Ok, I get it. Here I thought y'all were just joking, but some of you actually eat that stuff?

OMG! Brown sugar and butter; you could coat a turd in brown sugar and fry it in butter and it'll taste good.

I am curious to know how you would know this. Second thought, maybe I do not want to know.....

Ok, I get it. Here I thought y'all were just joking, but some of you actually eat that stuff?

Isn't Spam one of the top foods in Hawaii? Doesn't need refridgeration.

Isn't Spam one of the top foods in Hawaii? Doesn't need refridgeration.

It's better tasting than poi.

Having tasted poi, I'd assert that even a turd coated in brown sugar and fried in butter would probably taste better than poi; however, I'm never to perform such a taste test. Just remember: there's only one letter differentiating "poi" from "poo."

Having tasted poi, I'd assert that even a turd coated in brown sugar and fried in butter would probably taste better than poi; however, I'm never to perform such a taste test. Just remember: there's only one letter differentiating "poi" from "poo."

Having tasted poi, I'd assert that even a turd coated in brown sugar and fried in butter would probably taste better than poi; however, I'm never to perform such a taste test. Just remember: there's only one letter differentiating "poi" from "poo."

Do you know how many completely unholy entrees a person can make with Knox gelatin? THAT will give you the heebie-jeebies.

I distinctly remember taking the last few dollars I had and walked to the grocery store. I bought a large can of Spam, used all the money I had left. When I got home I would cut one slice off a day, fry it, slap on some mustard and that was the days meal. That can fed me for the whole week. Very soon after that I moved back to Pa.

Have not bought a can since, but it often catches my eye in the market.

Sigh. . . the good ol' days sure make you appreciate things when they are going better, huh? Builds character I say. My story is similar but with less pork by-product. I was literally down to my last meal, one box of mac n cheese and when it was all done cooking, I knocked the pot off my hot plate and it fell all over the floor. I remember crying because when I scraped it off the floor it was covered in cat hair. I wasn't that hungry, so I pitched it. I had enough money for Ramen noodles though! Fed myself for three more days until payday on $1.75 (paid all in change at the dismay of the check out girl). Makes me appreciate the expensive meals I occasionally go out for now a days. The money I spend on one of those meals would have fed me for a month back then!

You are soooo right. My wife and I were just telling our 10 year old last night about Ramen noodles. I would make 2 packs and a small can of beef stew. Put the stew over the noodles and sprinkle on some Parm cheese. It was like eating at a 5 star compared to just plain noodles.

I used to get two meals out of a 19 cent box of Kraft mac 'n cheese

After I found out how they make gelatin, I also stay away from it. Pig hooves, WTF?

After I found out how they make gelatin, I also stay away from it. Pig hooves, WTF?